What is it about bumming around the Internet that makes us so blasé to the point of grumpiness?
Ages ago, when the Internet was an isolated thing that you could "do," and that box that made it "be" made loud fax machine sounds, mothers warned kids not to be a pricks when online. Or to tell those anonymous, nerd-lusty troglodytes where you actually lived for really-reals, because the bad ones were truly out to getcha!
So kids protected themselves by going anonymous, buzzing around Napster, and Battle.net, and Counter-Strike servers, and probably Homestar Runner or Ask A Ninja (Is that inaccurate? Why, what did you do?). They were out there, they were thinking, they were in an world where their masked identities granted them an authority they didn't possess elsewhere. They were skilled and savvy in these digital niches, commanding respect, because they spoke the language and they were citizens of this land, which was considerably smaller back then. And some, when they really got comfy, reigned with casual cruelty that comes naturally to a child-prince perched on an iron throne.
They've been in the shit, man. They've seen the dark corners. They believe they have absorbed the wisdom of the world, of this world, of this world! So these teenagers at the start of the 2000's, immigrants with chips on their shoulders, they arrived online, survived, and they created a landscape, and a lexicon, and a thought-process of ruthlessness and anger.
It's weird to consider that communication online existed in a rawer format once. Within in-game chat panels, or in AIM, or rickety message boards, the native language was in constant flux, but if there was anonymity, there were usually thorns. That's how rumors get started on the Internet. Nowadays, either on Facebook, or Twitter, or in the comments section of any blog post, viciousness is expected -- it's just good manners. It's so fast. It's how we were raised. And people are so proud of the skill, too.
What's funnier in writing? A tasteless put-down? Or adoration in one sentence? (I'll even let the adoration be a little tasteless as a freebie. Gird your bad self with some saucy swears for good flavor!) Did you decide? It's the tasteless put-down. That was the correct answer. See? We already have a living example!
Somehow, snap-reactions online default to a negative emotion, and it has merged with the authority sprouted from anonymity. Anonymity has since waned online, but not entirely. Nevertheless, the consistency with which we find ourselves touching these conversations has become more regular, and I find it wriggling into my real life, even when just as a passing observer. Maybe I'm tapping into a vocal minority, or I'm in a weird corner of the Web? Here, negativity has intersected with thought. You look, you see, you think, you process, you understand, and based on your knowledge, you assume, judge ahead of time. That somebody grinning on a tumblr is a waste of space. That a movie is far worse than that person realizes. That person over there has been wrong all along about something you personally enjoy.
You should probably use your knowledge, inform them, and update their knowledge. Correct them, and quickly. Do it half-assed so they will have to attack you back, and prove themselves right all at once, which is a cumbersome argument to engage, and odds are, they won't do it. It's basically impossible to take the piss out of the pool, once it's in there. Dudes, and lady-dudes, if you do this, you are not Zorro. You are an angry, badly-built robot.
A very smart person that I know once likened the Internet to an echo chamber. This analogy becomes more accurate all the time, and for better or worse, it works both ways. If you shout good things into the echo chamber, good things should echo back. Things become beautiful, and happy, and optimistic. It's hard to shout so much good, so loud, for so long. First, it's exhausting. Second, life can't always be such good news. Won't we all have to accept that there's gotta be some dilution in there, that this envy down under our guts is real. We have to. We're adults. Others turn up their noses at celebration, at assumption that another's cries of joy are genuine, even as we leer down from the upper mezzanine. Man, lurking is a great, passive way to kill time, I think we can all agree on that.
I mean, seriously, come on, haven't we learned to think a little bit harder about what we see and read online? To be wary? Especially if there isn't anonymity? Haven't we been raised to realize that negative emotion is validated by cognition, because, fuck you, stop using the echo chamber for your goddamn lies. (I was being a jerk and playing devil's advocate in that last bit.)
We communicate constantly, passively, online -- frequently only on an internal level -- perhaps only using fraction of our emotional range. Secrets, and tricks, and quarter-truths are expected, it's a real-live Pride & Prejudice all over again that you can carry with you at all times, on your phone, in your pocket, and boiling your brains in tar. Duh, you put none of yourself out there by being negative. Extolling and detailing something you enjoy online, and protecting and insulating it from a likely assault, is not something folks will take the time to do. It usually feels like a wasted effort to bring that explanation to an anonymous audience.
I can't accept this. There's more to thinking than arriving at your thought's end. Keep going. Change your opinion of what you've learned. Don't be jaded, all it does is leave cairns behind you on a path you can't backtrack on. Learn and remember, yes, please do so, but even if your footprints are anonymous, you'll still know. You, personally, will. Are you planning on clapping your hands together and leaning back in your chair, and thinking: "Burned that fucker's good times to the ground, didn't I?" Understand your emotions before you default to FLAME ON!
That isn't to say that some people don't deserve it. Some people really are a nation of one, waving a flag, demanding attention. If I keep coming across them on in the comments or in a news feed, I try to leave them be, or at the very least, decide early on that they exist only as a spectacle for my amusement, and hope for their sake that they can prove me wrong.
It took me all of twenty minutes to write all of this down. I think it's a pretty good example of how this works. It takes a bit more time, but it's nice. Maybe we try to do good but our emotions speak in indecipherable accents when we engage in the Internet's call and response? I don't know about you, but I had a fairly shitty day. I feel better now.
Now I'm going to eat some homemade macaroni and cheese. I made it with ham, a little bit of green Tabasco, bread crumbs, and extra sharp cheddar. It brings the girls to the yard. I recommend it. What do you think?
-- @Alex Crumb (originally published 1/16/13)
