Certain movies are worth talking about, possibly because nobody has come to their defense, possibly because it's fun to dogpile onto a deserving cinematic trainwreck.

We admit that we have an affinity for themetically-murky movies and utterly-retarded movies. If you can't watch a double-feature of Crank and The Tree Of Life because of a drastic personality hang-up, then you've come to the right place. This is the first day of the rest of your movie-watching life. Everything has a chance to suck, just as everything has the right to overcome negative associations.

We review movies that deserve to be raised up and movies that deserve to be kicked while they're down. Fair is fair.

"Then the musical score, which has been boggarting about in the background of every shot, hits its mark, and all you want to do is eat cookies and hug a cat to displace the charcoal-flavored I.E.D. that detonated in your guts."
[FULL REVIEW] 

"That's humanity. It's a time-traveling bullshit-breaking missile, killing insecurities, past and present, with chemical weapons that violate the Geneva Conventions."
[FULL REVIEW] 

"This is a movie about being fooled because we want to be fooled and it doesn't stop there -- we want to be fooled by something complicated and we won't take simple for an answer. . . Don't look closely. Stand at a distance. You aren't being fooled."
[FULL REVIEW] 

"...body of a reindeer, feet of a chicken, antlers like tree roots, chest plumage of an eagle, tail of a fox, face like a painted semi-humanoid African lion mask (yup!)..."
[FULL REVIEW] 

"This is the single best movie about an expert fighting for his life in very threatening surroundings."
[FULL REVIEW]

". . .honestly, Shakespeare In Love is not meta enough. . . it is like throwing a bratwurst down a hallway."
[FULL REVIEW] 

"It's like Michael Moore's version of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. That movie would blow, and so does this."
[FULL REVIEW] 

". . .a science, fiction film."
[FULL REVIEW]