Kellogg's Frosted Flakes® Reduced Sugar cereal with Fiber | Cereal Review

"[Kellogg's Frosted Flakes® Reduced Sugar cereal with Fiber] is childhood, evolved."

I don't have a pre-existing medical condition that prevents me from enjoying Frosted Flakes, unless if you count aging naturally as a pre-existing medical condition, and the FDA does not, so I have very little legal recourse. If it didn't hurt my stomach, I would have more regularly eaten the wax paper in the cardboard box that held the Frosted Flakes in the 1990's.

Nowadays, the cereal hurts my stomach too. It's all corn and sugar and it tastes like a prickly storm cloud against a blue sky, and the atmosphere is fading fast around the planet. It's Halloween forever with Frosted Flakes. Urgh. Man, I wish I was still a 6 year-old with a Game Boy and easy homework with Halloween forever, at least once-in-a-sometimes. I didn't have to be conscious of accidentally, or intentionally, using the word "moist," in a sentence, so I suppose I had to sacrifice that. Things can still be funny and delicious as an adult.

They made -- the Kellogg sucrose 'n grains engineers, made -- Kellogg's Frosted Flakes® Reduced Sugar cereal with Fiber. JJ Abrams made such a big deal about calling the next Star Trek movie Star Trek Into Darkness, like he had discovered the sentence fragment and it was good. Why not call it A Star Trek Into Darkness? What a pussy. Kellogg's Frosted Flakes® Reduced Sugar cereal with Fiber is a cereal and it is a sentence, and it was created by taking Frosted Flakes and removing some ingredients. It's addition by subtraction. Check this shit out. It's childhood evolved. It's edible. It's awful. We need it.

Adults need to be able to eat Frosted Flakes, and this is the awful form that it has manifested as in our modern society.

It's not awful like Dr Pepper Ten, which tastes like aluminum, and brown, and somebody from Florida sneezing up your nose. Kellogg's Frosted Flakes® Reduced Sugar cereal with Fiber, is methadone for a recovering former-child. It's trying to get you through the week. It's an anti-cynicism device that can be lowered into you via a spoon.

I think cereal is important. It's up there in elite group of things -- like falling asleep with the TV on, to name one of a few -- that are The Best. Taste and smell can trigger some big memories, and when you're drowsy in the morning and not quite awake, you're still dreaming a little, and rather than knowing you're about to be on a city bus, it's nice to send your brain elsewhere. Because of cereal.

-- @Alex Crumb (originally published 10/31/12)