The NFL Wants All Your Money And Colin Kaepernick Was Right

Written by: Alex Crumb | Follow on: Twitter, Facebook

Published: Aug 30, 2016 12:00:00 PM

colin-kaepernick.gifFormerly-marketable San Francisco 49ers quarterback, Colin Kaepernick, chose not to stand during the national anthem prior to an NFL preseason game. It was a gesture to illuminate the racial inequalities in America.

The 49ers delivered a very measured response to Kaepernick's gesture. The NFL's official statement was also quite plain, "players are encouraged, but not required, to stand during the national anthem."

And that was the last anyone heard of—oh, right, fragile, bloated football racists can't interpret any act of defiance to Americana as anything but an attack on dad, Fido, democracy, and their ninth-grade schooling on FREEDOM.

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Topics: the nfl sucks

How Bad Media Marketing Is Ruining A Generation

Written by: Alex Crumb | Follow on: Twitter, Facebook

Published: Jun 1, 2016 12:00:00 PM

stealing-a-fence.gifI want the Xbox One to fail. It's a gooey and black taste coating the inside of my mouth when I read about what the marketing is intending this hardware to be. A centerpiece for people that use the term "man-cave," usually shouted, who then high-five, cuddling with their hollowed-out tree trunk of endorphic validation. Then they mow the lawn, thinking, "I mean, I just want to drink A LOT of beer. I like beer best when it's cold." A quick trip to the store, and they've got chips, frozen corn, a whole rotisserie chicken, and an 18-rack of Miller Lite.

These middle-aged white-boy dad-types with string-cheese personalities and hyperventilating helplessness are tragic. They hate / fear / hate again their wives. Their wives don't understand them.

But do these men actually exist?

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Topics: xbox one, the nfl sucks, marketing

10 Ways The NFL Laughs In Your Face

Written by: Alex Crumb | Follow on: Twitter, Facebook

Published: Nov 15, 2011 12:00:00 PM

-what-is-football.png"The American man is neither chiseled from stone nor from crispy-chicken batter. The American man isn't helpless. . . He doesn't shirk on his responsibilities. He does work hard and he does not pick on his friends. He loves rock and roll and he hates Nickelback. He loves football, but he's smart enough to hate the NFL's greed."

You are an idiot. You are an obsessed idiot. You are a zealous, obsessed idiot. You are part of a nation of zealous, obsessed idiots. You shall find camaraderie amongst others in that nation of zealous, obsessed idiots. You, and your comrades in arms, know of a deeper love than those who are not part of your nation of zealous, obsessed idiots -- noses turned up at you as if their farts smell like Cinnabon and Carebears. You know that even amongst the other citizens in your nation of zealous, obsessed idiots, in your heart of hearts, there is no doubt that you are unique in your understanding. You know how far, and how strong, this empire, your empire, of zealous, obsessed idiots truly reaches. You, idiot, are part of something so grand that you understand your place in the world, despite that those unlike you will see your idiocy as idiocy, and not as a badge of honor.

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Topics: the nfl sucks, marketing, tv tropes

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