The biggest movie of the week involves everything I love, including: space, raccoons, flying, jokes, and Fleetwood Mac. The only thing missing from Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is a plot.

Yeah, okay, but before we get down into it, what’s plot exactly?

Imagine leaving a movie theater. You’re discussing the movie with friends. You know you loved the humor, the action, and, in Guardians 2’s case, the colors. But there’s something missing. There’s something that ought to be there that you can’t place.

That’s the plot. Guardians 2 is a warm-blooded body without a circulatory system, and it feels straight-weird.

The Kentucky Derby remains the last bastion of monarchical glory we're chanced to witness in America. Terrible to think this is all that we can cling to that reminds us of good King George, especially since the Queen isn't on our money (suck it, Canada!).

I don't not use that word "witness" lightly. This horse race is privilege we should be so happy to observe. To live in this moment in history when people men and women so much greater than us, wearing fine clothing frilled with lace, dyed with colors smashed from seashells stolen from far-off shores—we ought to be honored.

The Kentucky Derby is absolutely not a race for the dead, you guys—

The Fast & Furious roster is deep. 

The real question is simple: what are the official power rankings for these characters?

This isn't based in science—it's based in passion. In family.

After ten years and infinite accusations of The Last Guardian simply being Ico, but the girl is a puppy-griffon, we get to finally determine who the last guardian actually is. Is it the kid? Or is it the Trico?

The answer reveals more about player agency and game design than one might expect from a simple debate.

I'm a human, like you. If I'm being generous, I'm a dim light riding meat with feet. The only thing I love more than collective human imagination is my own imagination. If allowed, I'll tell a story that'll convince the world's population that we're pursuing a false vision of the future.

Now, here's the really neat part: this is already part of that story. This story isn't one story, one book, one photo or YouTube video, because a singular thing has edges. Those terminate.

In order to participate in the like and subscribe shared universe of profitable creative content, you must embrace a endlessly-stackable three-act structure.

Confused? You won't be for long.

Modernity is no place to situate my life’s true passions. I either need to be living in a super-future where food is materialized from a machine that requires no maintenance and medical aid is freely available, or I need to fool a society of 21st century people into permitting I live this incompatible passion.

Homosexuality continues to terrify and confuse video games' most vocal audience. Hold for a moment. Go look up Fear Effect and its sequel. They were trashy PlayStation games. Back then, you might've called them Resident Evil clones. They were B-tiered entertainment. Here's the connection, sixteen years later: these whole entire video games were created in the late 90's under the leering tease that two of games' women characters MIGHT be gay.

Confidence was robbed from people in 2016. It was either taken or renamed, likely by a political issue, or an issue that was conscripted into politics.

So much doom. Doom is terrifying. Doom is over. 2016 is over.

Doubt the competition at every turn because that competition is over. Now is the time to kill 2016 dead and reclaim confidence from a planet of bad news.

The Nintendo Switch is recess for adults.

Nintendo itself has always been recess. Now that all of its most devoted fans are adults, Nintendo is recess for adults. It's freedom to run and play with your buddies, to gab and chuckle, to speculate and imagine.

The Nintendo Switch is a portable console that hooks up to your big-ass adult-television set.

There's magic in there. Nintendo is taking video games out of the greasy basements they built and giving games to the sunshine.

The internet is a fantastic tool invented for publishing our responses to the HBO series, Westworld, as quickly as possible.

That's a joke.

But the internet was indeed invented so geeks could rapidly exchange rocket science data across several timezones. Nowadays, it's still used for exchanging data. Uh, I'm not sure rocket science is its priority though.

Rapidity is still a priority though. We still look to the internet for outside minds to supplement our own quick thoughts. It's far less painful than arriving at our own determinations. Thinking hurts!

I posit this: give yourself time enough to judge Westworld, and shows like it. Here's why.