Published: May 9, 2016 12:00:00 PM


Most are familiar with the Dan Brown novels starring the knowledgeable art history professor / symbologist (sic) / smart-dad Robert Langdon character. He's the hero of Angels & DemonsThe Da Vinci Code, The Lost Symbol, and Inferno

His adventures carry him to European cities including Paris, Rome, Florence, Venice, and also to Cincinnati once, but we don't talk about that one, all while extolling knowledge on jerks who haven't opened a history book in a while.

People who just don't really think too much, alright?

Like James Bond, except American, and tweed, and definitely not a sexist jerk, Langdon always gets a new Gal-Friday in every story. One time, the female lead was a yoga master. Another time, the female lead might've been the descendant of Jesus (Christ).

In Book 4 of Langdon's adventures, Inferno, he finds himself with a gunshot wound to the head and retrograde amnesia in a hospital in Florence, Italy.

Despite this, he manages to overcome his concussion-like symptoms and be smarter than every woman he meets. He even manages to teach the sheeeeeple a little something as they run from deadly, who the heck cares?

He mansplains his way across Europe. Here's every instance of it, along with a few other male characters following his example:

Every Time Robert Langdon Says "Actually" In Dan Brown's INFERNO


"These ten letters," he whispered. "They actually point to a precise location in the old city. That's where the answers are."

"Where in the old city?" Sienna demanded. "What did you figure out?"


Sienna found them on the projection and read from top to bottom. "Catrovacer."

"Right. Meaningless."

"But then you realized the ten ditches had been shuffled around?"

"Easier than that, actually..."



She motioned in the direction of the little gray door. "That's the entrance, right?"

Langdon managed a nod. "Actually, that's the exit..."

CHAPTER 31 (not Langdon, includes an ACTUALLY-reversal)

"Bullshit!" the man erupted...

"Actually, I think it's a bit more—"

"A bit more complicated? Actually, it's not! There is nothing simpler."

CHAPTER 31 (also not Langdon, but including it)

Elizabeth stared in disbelieve. "You think the World Health Organization is going to partner with you... exploring an idea like this?"

"Actually, yes," he said.


Sienna pointed down to the dusty expanse beneath them. "Can we climb down there and walk across?"

"Actually, there's a better way," Langdon said calmly, not wanting to frighten her.


"Not surprisingly," Sienna continued, "...Zobrist illustrated his point with a 'Doomsday Clock' ...

"I've actually seen that clock online," Langdon said.



Sienna looked dubious. "The gates of paradise? Aren't those... in heaven?"

"Actually," Langdon said, giving her a wry smile and heading for the door, "if you know where to look, Florence is heaven."


Sienna cocked her head, looking demure. "You wouldn't miss me if you woke up and found out I wasn't real?"

Langdon had to grin. "Yes, actually, I would miss you a little."



"And do you know," Sienna asked, eyeing the poem, "if there was a doge who was considered to be particularly dangerous?"

Langdon glanced down at the line in question... "Treachery is one of the Seven Deadly Sins—the worst of them, actually—punished in the ninth and final ring of hell."


"Ettore wrote the books in this basilica," Langdon explained to Sienna. "Several of them, actually."


"There they are!" Sienna exclaimed, moving toward the door that led to the balcony.

"Not exactly," Langdon said. "The horses we see on the balcony are actually just replicas..."

-- @Alex Crumb


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