Someday soon, this generation of hyper-intelligent, semi-employed, well-adjusted weirdos won't have the money to buy tickets to the next Avengers movie.

But let's not bury the lede:

Free books are coming.

What? Yeah, buckle up, ya'll. It's unavoidable. As popular culture becomes a self-consuming snake where the fanbase can no longer foot the bill to participate in the lowest-common denominator zeitgeist, votes will be cast with wallets, and it's just going to be diligent, thrifty tastemakers and free books...

The Nintendo Wii was a momentary magic trick. While mainly just silk scarfs and white gloves distracting an unsuspecting audience, the system was potent reminder to lapsed Roman-Nintendophiles:

• Video games are fun for the whole family, including the near-dead Grandma
• Mario Kart Wii is fun for the whole family, including Grandma, who is now dead (but we'll always have the memories)

Since Mario Kart Wii launched, the franchise has vampire-fang chomped onto the crossover fanbase it seduced, refusing to budge. Now fat as a tick, Mario Kart has mutated into the Ur-Nintendo brand. Mario Kart 8 Deluxe on Nintendo Switch is debatably the series' best outing. That's where the trouble kicks in:

Mario Kart has become so competent, all that "Mario Kart" baggage is ruining its races...

A supremely-talented improvisational musician can take to the floor and tell you that thoughtless, organic creativity is the purest form. This is not incorrect.

Plenty of great writers shoot from the hip. That is a capital skill. Stephen King didn't write hundreds of books by putting up his feet; he wrote them because he didn't stop writing. Improvised writing is pure.

Then again, purity may not be your objective, in music, or in writing. Perhaps you need to immediately put an idea in your reader's head?

Keeping that in mind, you need to outline all your writing projects...

You've heard this one—it's time to expand your team and you have to be dead-sure you know what you need for the role. You want a rockstar: a warm body that captures all the attention in the room and can still wow everyone when things get loud.

How do you turn your needs into a thorough job rec though? It's no easy task. No matter the role, internal- or external-facing, sales or account services, you feel pressure to hire a peacocking rockstar. Here's the secret though: the best rockstar-hires are actually secret agent-hires.

Let's dig into how you do this...

001) I can already taste that sunlight.

002) Real air is amazing.

003) Did I take Allegra is this morning?

004) Whoa, my keyboard is a phenomenal crumb-catcher.

005) When did I eat raisins?

006) That’s not a raisin.

007) Well, my dad always said everyone will eat a few grams of dirt before they die.

008) I wonder when my forehead got this greasy?

009) I wonder how much light is reflecting off my forehead?

The best joke illuminates the silliness of a widely-recognized inaccuracy.

We need reeducation in comedy. It's fashionable these days for flailing failures to wheeze defensively about certain audiences not noticing what is or is not a joke, and it's somebody else's fault that THEY don't get THEIR joke. What they're often telling aren't jokes, they're battle-lines and barriers. 

The recent Mystery Science Theater 3000 revival on Netflix (winner of Ghost Little’s coveted Shrieking Robot award, the highest honor this office can bestow) is god-tier comedy. Why is that, you wonder? For a billion reasons, most relevant: it’s tasteful...

The biggest movie of the week involves everything I love, including: space, raccoons, flying, jokes, and Fleetwood Mac. The only thing missing from Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is a plot.

Yeah, okay, but before we get down into it, what’s plot exactly?

Imagine leaving a movie theater. You’re discussing the movie with friends. You know you loved the humor, the action, and, in Guardians 2’s case, the colors. But there’s something missing. There’s something that ought to be there that you can’t place.

That’s the plot. Guardians 2 is a warm-blooded body without a circulatory system, and it feels straight-weird.

The Kentucky Derby remains the last bastion of monarchical glory we're chanced to witness in America. Terrible to think this is all that we can cling to that reminds us of good King George, especially since the Queen isn't on our money (suck it, Canada!).

I don't not use that word "witness" lightly. This horse race is privilege we should be so happy to observe. To live in this moment in history when people men and women so much greater than us, wearing fine clothing frilled with lace, dyed with colors smashed from seashells stolen from far-off shores—we ought to be honored.

The Kentucky Derby is absolutely not a race for the dead, you guys—

The Fast & Furious roster is deep. 

The real question is simple: what are the official power rankings for these characters?

This isn't based in science—it's based in passion. In family.

After ten years and infinite accusations of The Last Guardian simply being Ico, but the girl is a puppy-griffon, we get to finally determine who the last guardian actually is. Is it the kid? Or is it the Trico?

The answer reveals more about player agency and game design than one might expect from a simple debate.